This Feeling

Aargh guys!! I literally have so much to say. I missed this, I missed writing😫 you have no freaking idea. So I just finished watching the “Love is Blind” series …okay not finished per se🙄🙄because the finale is coming up next week. But of course my philosophical juices were released, of course I watched this series with a keen eye thinking about how our relationships right now are.

Normally, I steer away from talking on issues pertaining to love😅because I think it’s a very heavy topic and honestly there a lot of factors that play into it but I can’t help it😰 I would be doing myself a huge injustice by shutting up.

🤷🏾‍♀️😂shutting up on things crossing my mind has never been my forté , probably never will be, I’ll be damned If I didn’t speak up. I’ll tell you why. I’ve mentioned this quite a couple of times, one of the people with the biggest impact on my life is my sister💕who is autistic and happens to be non verbal.🙄Google what autism is you dumb ass (🤭oh I’m sorry, feel offended?! It’s the 21st Century, you need to be cognizant with this shit!) 😁Anyway, as I was saying being non verbal for 20 years of her life, I had to be my sister’s voice.I had to assume what she wanted because she couldn’t speak it out. Oh the things we take for granted😭 ( your voice…. that squeaky annoying voice that you hate so much is something someone is wishing for!) Oof I digress.

I was talking about love. This is how my brain works legit! There are like a thousand tabs open. So I’ve learnt a lot from this show, promise I won’t spoil for you😬🤞🏾

K, so one: relationships are actually made up of so many components. I personally value emotional connections a lot…like I can’t have a physical connection with somebody unless I feel like they’ve understood the deepest parts of me. It’s different for everyone though, there are people who have physical connections instantly, I respect that.

So after watching this show and hearing guys claim they’re emotional connected after 3 days, I’m just like what the actual hell?!! Have I had the wrong definition of an emotional connection? How do you fuck ( like the good kind, like understand them.Ah you know what I’m saying😂)with someone’s mind in just 3 days? Is there a difference between an emotional connection and chemistry?🤯🤦🏽‍♀️ All this just made me even more curious.

Hmm…then there was the whole aspect of being physically in tune with each other, being a perfect “fit” huh👀 The fact that some couples felt that they were not physically attracted to each other. So I asked some of my friends…but but we’ve seen many arranged marriages work! Yet in most cases the people involved are not necessarily physically attracted to each other at first but they make it work…how? Why is our current generation then finding it so hard?🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

I thought that If you love someone’s personality then eventually you end up finding them attractive. You love them everything about them, right?😮ok almost everything.So then I think the society does play a very huge influence, subconsciously or even consciously on our decisions. Like those times when a girl vibes with a guy for instance and asks her friends…”What do you think, is he cute? ” Usually the friends’ opinion has a huge impact on our ultimate decision or bias. So why? How can this be changed? Clearly, If a show finds the need to remove the aspect of choosing people based on their outward appearance then there’s a big issue!!! 🤔Don’t you think so?

Another issue I thought about is the double standards that comes with appearance.😂Guys, I’m doing Psychology so most of my knowledge is from a Psychological perspective😂😂so just breathe!Okay…so I’ve realized that whenever a female disregards a guy for her looks, she’s judged… 🙄🙄🙄ever heard of the saying” guys like what they see, girls like what they hear”🤔🤦🏽‍♀️Oh so you’re trying to tell me that girls 🤔🤔can’t decide whether they like someone based on their appearance but oh well guys should… cause that’s how they’ve been predisposed! 😌mere nonsense!Obviously there’s underlying sexism that’s denying women the right to be decisive and assertive on what they want.

Something else I thought about was our pattern of dating.Ok now I’m gonna spoil😂😂sorry my bad, but such is life. I thought about Cameron who had dated a black girl prior to meeting Lauren for five years.( this is my fav couple btw 😍) Was it a huge coincidence that he ended up falling for a black girl again? This is of course could be completely not related but do we normally subconsciously look for traits from our previous partners in our current ones? Do we use our previous partners as point of reference? 🤔Do we do it with partners who we cherished or even toxic ones? You know this whole idea of ” You deserve the best” Everyone tells you that especially after a heartbreak. But If you think about it , “what really is best?” What’s best for me is not necessarily what’s best for you💁🏾‍♀️.

It’s relative!! I might have lacked attention in my previous relationship so then it’s safe to assume my best would be someone who would give me attention… but then your friends’ definition of best is someone who will spoil you with gifts🤔which is not necessarily what you yearn for.

Ok I now I’ve “blabbered” a lot, but these are questions I’ll probably search for answers to….and If you have any input, please indulge me.

😭🤧I still think it’s that love is the most beautiful feeling ever and If you get to experience it, cherish it!! 😅but good things come with a lot of sacrifice and pain and all that shit.😂Okay now I’m done.

Ps: the title is a song I really like😂I sang it a lot during a tough time. If you know you know😌

Ttyl👋🏾👋🏾

Love🖤

Mel~

THROW THE WHOLE TOE NAIL AWAY!

If there are chitchats I’ve really  been looking forward to, I must say, they are those with my therapist.I changed my therapist by the way,maybe that’s why I’m talking about this one more often. I feel like she gets me, she gets me even before I spit the words out of my mouth and trust me… very few people do😅.I don’t even understand myself sometimes… so lemme take this chance to just say… I HIT THE JACKPOT! 😂😂Lol! I always thought the concept of sitting on a couch and blabbing your problems to them was extremely cool, (If you read my Charlie Sheen(Two & a half men) blog post👀👀you would know!) Anyway I take it back😭it’s not.I mean it’s nice being listened to with a glass of water by your side and a bunch of tissues when you can’t hold it no more but naah man it’s not fun having to deal with your childhood traumas and adulthood traumas!IT FUCKING ISN’T. Anyway ,now I realize, Charlie was a sad sad man who had a lot of money and had lots of sex.😐But he was still sad!

So, we start discussing with Emmz ( my therapist) about someone I plan on cutting ties with. I’m just like, “no, they hurt my feelings and I don’t need them in my life. I was breathing before they came along🙄.” Emmz goes ” But daamn, you used to love them, what happened?”Weigh the pros and cons of cutting them off first🤷🏾‍♀️.” Our little scenario then reminded me of an incident I recently had at home.😂That’s the thing with therapy, one story always leads to a whole other one.

Fun fact,:my nails are in the top five list of my favourite body parts.Sooooo when 😱my left leg’s big toe nail😂( I know I know , read it slowly then picture what I’m saying) started acting up, I was terrified.How you ask? It had been freaking growing in one direction🤔sideways? Ok not in the usual how a toe nail grows kinda way.( like komboo, mi sijui kuexplain)This was really getting on my nerves!! You have no idea. I would constantly ask my mum, what would possibly go wrong If I removed my whole toe nail, how do I even go about it? My mum thought I was insane!!! “🤢How would your toe look? How would you wear open shoes? Melissa but you love your nails!”Even I couldn’t picture what I was contemplating on doing but all I knew was that I couldn’t stand this ugly toe nail.I couldn’t stand the discomfort.

Therefore, I took the liberty of removing the whole damn nail(Ewww I knooow …disgusting🤮) but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. 😁now now it’s my pleasure to inform you tht it grew back!! It greew back!😭😭😭and it’s even better.Of course I was scared of the thought of not having my one toe nail back, but I had to take the risk. I had to throw tht distorted shit away to give room for something new, something better.🙌🏾🙏🏾Oof ok ok at least you’re now getting the gist of where I’m going with this story.😂Took a while huh?( Why is she talking about her therapist and her toe nail??!)

If there’s something I’m in the process of grasping and practising, is THROWING IT AWAY!!🚮🚮🚮Letting go of that toxic “friend” who is only present when the circumstance suits them👋🏾. Letting go of tht job because I feel like shit while doing it. Letting go of tht trait that’s doing me more harm than good. Trust me I’m very possessive with my shit and I tend to give a hundred, so letting go is not easy but If it means reducing the issues on my “tell therapist list” then imma throw it away without a thought.( drop it like it’s hot actually)Your peace of mind comes first.😐Next thing you know you’ll be throwing yourself away because your trash can is overflowing.(👀reread my previous statement very carefully and internalize it)Empty that shit!

And as Emmz said, before making tht decision weigh your pros and cons. There’s a difference between burning your bridges and fixing them.( Do nails grow back again once taken out, yes they do👀,I knew about this, so lowkey taking my whole nail out was a 50/50 risk)

I hope you love deeper and are kinder to yourself💕

❤️Mel~

WHAT I COULD HAVE TOLD 9 YEAR OLD ME!

So as we were having our routine Sunday video call with my mum, my youngest sister who is 9…chipped in.Of course she would🙄🙄trying to take whatever glory I have with my mum now that she gets all the attention.😂Okay I’m just being salty…I lost my rights to attention when my second born sister was born, 3 years after moí.😭Oh how I remember that day, funny enough I do,18 years later and I remember the day our second born came into our lives like it was yester.Lol I remember asking why she’s taking “my mummy’s boobies” from me.😟Now that I say it, it sounds wild mahn…daaamn I’m too possessive, another story for another day my friends.

Back to my story, our last born and I have a 13 year gap…so that affects some stuff in our relationship because I haven’t had a kid in our household for a while. So I had on my usual grey beanie and she goes “Aiii Melissa kwani uko na nywele gani ingine tena (they also can’t keep up with my constant hair change)wacha tuone” I’m just like sissy chillaaaax mahn “Niko na matambara na matuta😂, I’m braiding it soon I’ll show you when done”So my mum is doing her usual thing where she’s analyzing my face and my mannerisms as If she can see all my problems through my soul lol! My mum goes, “Uuuh your face looks so smooth, what’s the secret?”

I laugh and go, ” ní wendo wa Jehovah Jire😂”(It’s God’s love and plan lol) and my sister goes “Unatumia mafuta ya ng’ombe arimis? Melissa niliskia inafanya mtu akuwe brown si uninunulie” (Heard it makes people look lighter , could you get me one?) And I just go woooooa ooof!

“Elspeth( that’s my sister’s name)why do you want to look lighter?” I ask. My sister is 9 FYI, she’s in 3rd grade…daamn this hit me hard, mehn colourism is deeply incorporated in this fucked up society.

So my sister goes on about how kids at school make fun of her for being so dark skinned and they tell her she’s ugly and she wants to look beautiful.I wanted to cry sooo bad so so bad.I wanted to cry because she’s only 9 years old and the world is already harsh towards her, she’s only 9 and the world is telling her, her skin doesn’t permit her to be in the category of beautiful. I felt disgusted.I felt sorry. I had all kinds of mixed feelings. I felt distraught because she has no idea it gets worse and for the first time, I felt the need to prepare my little sister for the world awaiting her.

I told her she was beautiful beyond measure.That dark skinned models have been making it in the modelling industry( she wants to be a model herself), that one of the most beautiful women in the world (Lupita Nyong’o is of dark skin) I’ve never scrambled to my Insta so fast and dug up pictures of dark skinned queens to show her proof of this. I told her those stupid kids in school making fun of you are just projecting their insecurities on you so don’t listen to them. I told her I’d one day watch her on the runway in Paris ( she’s always dreamt of this) AND I FUCKING WILL!!!

Then Elspeth goes, “Do you know I don’t even have friends?They all make fun of me”

Ok… Fucking hell I hadn’t signed up for all this trauma on a Sunday but oh well, what is LIFE!?

Responsibilities of being the eldest eigh✌🏾🥵

So I tell her my story. My mum deliberately took my sister to the same primary school I went to btw…kwa sababu she believed😂😂😂It catapulted me to my intelligence lol!!So I know the principal in her school and shit…I mean I know the school pretty damn well.I start recalling my experiences to my sister about my school life.

“Elspeth, for the longest time my best friend was my class teacher.(I kid you not guys😂😂what do you call them, the teacher’s pet! Call it as you may but 😂🙄I didn’t consider myself her pet, we were besties).Which is true, my mum chips in and goes like omg Melissa that’s so true, I remember you even used to bring your teachers home for dinner.Ok I’m not trying to brag how my teachers liked me…I was trying to tell my sister that I never felt like I fit in with my peers because I was too mature for my age.And back then Melissa thought she had a problem, that she was weird, why was she not interested in playing with the rest during breaks but preferred talking with her teacher about some Philosophical shit?But that Melissa was totally ok now that I think of it, she just wasn’t in the circle that embraced that.😂😂😂FUN FACT(😂I had a best friend in every grade suckers!!🙄)

Anyways the point is from a young age I preferred close knit circles with 3-4 friends.I was never a squad person.But see the problem is the society(🙄🤮as usual) has portrayed this idea that oh you should have tons of friends…proof of your popularity huh? Proof that life’s going great for you huh?🙄Proof that you’re the OG eh?

So I had to tell my sister that it was fine If the rest of them didn’t want to hang out with her. That it was fine If she had that one friend she confided in. God knows maybe they would confide in each other years to come, I’ve had best friends from primary school who’ve been my support system till now.Friends I would ride or die for ( you know what I’m saying).I had to tell her, show them that they need you not the other way round. I mean the fact that I was close to my teacher made everyone want to be close to me because guess who they sent when they wanted shit done? MOÍ!!!

My point is it took a while for me to acknowledge this or even appreciate it, hell I’m prolly doing it now cause I’m becoming more self reflective but how I wish I told 9 year old Melissa that she was on the right track.That she should not have been stressed out for not fitting in because she was never meant to.That friends do not have to consist of a pack of pretentious, back stabbing group of people😂( Lol I’m really coming at squads…😂😂✌🏾✌🏾Some work some work, don’t come at me) but they could be that one person or two people who’ve become family and that’s ok.

I couldn’t tell 9 year old Melissa that, but now I can tell 9 year old Elspeth and save her the trouble of questioning herself or trying to be something she really isn’t.

😭😭Oh you should have seen how much her face lit up when she saw the beautiful models I showed her pictures of.😭You should have seen how happy she was when she acknowledged she was beautiful.

THERE’S SO MUCH STRENGTH IN ACKNOWLEDGING THAT THERE IS NO OTHER LIKE YOU!

NO OTHER MY FRIENDS!🙌🏾👑

All will be well I said, all will be well my beautiful sister❤️~

MEN ARE “TRASH”.?,

😉😂Admit it… the title captured your attention huh.Lemme guess, some of you are just like yaaaaaas that needed to be amplified and others are just like 🤔hmm y’all better stop saying this shit…but I’m curious to know why😉😏. Chillaaaaax my guy,

First! Can I just reiterate that oh my goodness…guys I have a paper due in a few hours and I’m here drafting a blog, 😭why I’m I like this? But honestly though I have the writer’s block and hell knows I’ve been trying to script the paper for a week now…but oh well that’s a problem to deal with tonight.😂Lol I’m sorry ,was I meant to apologise for writing this blog a month after the last one?Daaamn…by now I thought it’s pretty clear…I can’t do patterns.Do you know how stressful it would be having to figure out what to write every Thursday…blah blah I see bloggers do that. Maybe let’s deconstruct that a little.🤔Prolly let’s not call Mels a blogger or this a blog post…let’s just call it THE MELISSA MUMBI ONCE IN A WHILE ARTICLE😂😌I’m full on serious, Anyway I digress.

I’ve been thinking about masculinity a lot…but I would say one of the main influences is cause I’m taking courses that touch on it frequently and I’ve heard it mentioned once or twice.Hey hey…relax and see where I’m heading with this😵😵.First of all I want to apologise…I want to apologise because I’ve been guilty of calling all men trash.😂I think I say it everyday.😵😵🙄Yes I know most of y’all mamas are gonna come at me but oh well there are just things that are inherently known and I think we should say them. First…I rephrase my statement: Not all men are trash, most that I’ve interacted with or the douche bags whose stories I’ve heard about are!Some of the guy friends I have are literally a force to be reckoned with and saying all men are trash is a huge deservice to them literally!!

This idea of collectively labelling people is what’s leading to all these stupid disparities that exist amongst us…and oh 🤔🤔🤔are we improving as a human race to be honest????!!!!Oh hell nah…the fuck?(😂😂Say it in Rickey Thompson’s voice) we are literally just breaking each other constantly. See, there’s thing call self prophecy …in Psychology where literally ( lol back to my “literally”overuse) even the “not so trash” men will kinda be perceived as so because every little thing they do will prove the whole concept true.

Second…we might be guilty of calling men trash, but y’all men are really not doing a good job stopping this🤮,every single effing day something is added onto the list to further perpetuate the concept.So it’s kinda hard…to actually notice the good guys mehn…

The good guys do exist though…I would testify to that even If it means😂being insulted by many of my female friends.😢I was literally reminiscing on how much I admired my mum’s marriage back in the day😂( I emphasise back in the day, I was obsessed with the idea of marriage)people grow, motives change, we realise certain things blah blah ..,aaargh you know what I’m saying. Ok back to my mum,my dad ( may he rest in peace) in my eyes was a god literally. Just by how he treated her, listened blah blah( Women are not complicated … freaking assholes!!!!🤣ok I’m sorry but I can’t hold my insults) Aaargh with the right attention and good loving, y’all can live happily ever after, If that still exists.(Jk; happy ever after does exist🙄🙄🙄I’m a huge hopeless romatic, I should sing this mantra till it sticks😩😭)

But oooof !!! How that idea varied over time just from what I’ve observed and experienced.Okay okay chileeee…I know I’ve thrown in a lot of info in this post, lol literally how my mind is always working.But I guess the main points I’m trying to put out are, we need to deconstruct these phrase all men are trash.Both the victims and the victors of the phrase should. We need to deconstruct this stupid ideology of toxic masculinity where men are not expected to be vulnerable and shit. Like my prof always says, ” humans are vulnerable beings” We all have feelings and this idea of oh when men do it, it’s a weakness is mere bullshit honestly. (😂🤔just a thought, why do people use grawlixes on curse words like f$#*…like isn’t it obvious I’m outrightly saying fuck and not full…)

As I was saying…all these practices end up having dire consequences on our immediate generations and before you know it…a five year old is just like ” oh this is a boy’s job not a girl’s”😭😭😭OOF SO FUCKING PROBLEMATIC.EVERY SINGLE THING BOILS DOWN TO THE BEGINNING…TO WHAT WE GREW UP SEEING, KNOWING, HEARING…AND WHAT IS CONSTANTLY FED TO US!!!!!!!!!!

Only YOU can control what you choose to subscribe to or not.😶FYI I donno the solution to the men are trash issue, all I’m saying is I will “try” 😂 jk, to emphasize on the fact that there are really nice men out theeeeere (in outer space maybe) 😂ok ok I need to stop. Yes, there are nice men … men I look at and I’m just like damn the world needs to experience a part of you because you’re an amazing human being and yes we ALL have a huge responsibility to deconstruct some of the labels that have developed over time by doing what is right.Maybe one by the trashy men accepting responsibility for their actions instead of letting the blame dwell on the entire species( Da fuuuuck!!!)

😭😩If only this could be my essay…( your girl needs prayers , lots)

And If no one hasn’t mentioned this:YOU MEAN A LOT TO SOMEONE, SO STAY SAFE, HAPPY AND HEALTHY☺️

~❤️#THEMELISSAMUMBIARTICLE#~

YOU’RE DOING AMAZING SWEETIE😘

Hahaha couldn’t think of a better title with all the Kardashian drama going on😂I know most of you don’t care😩 but y’all have no idea how much I’m waiting for Jordyn’s response on the tea…. but anyways Happy New Year!!

I’ve been thinking for a while now…hahah okay a while now is an understatement!!!Lol! i haven’t been here in like two years.So bear with me If this isn’t as perfect(😩I should take this back,trying to be less of a people pleaser)…damn it’s like learning to walk all over again.A lot can happen in two years eigh.I grew taller😏( Ha!! I wish!!Guess I’m a shorty for life)

Okay okay I digress a lot, back to what I was thinking about:

It started in the minute of ways like waking up extremely early while scared as fuck for “no reason” (oh there were plenty of reasons all right…I just didn’t want to deal with it🤥)or completely lacking sleep and having to resort to a damn app with some weirdo in the background saying a bunch of random words to digress my thoughts( lol I’m just being mean with the weirdo shit calm down) Anyway, at first I blamed this on my inconsistent sleeping habits but naah…lacking sleep is one thing and lacking sleep + peace of mind is a whole different story.

😂okay by now you know I’m talking about anxiety right.Oh my goodness😩 this is literally one of the most discomforting feelings ever. Like I’m I anxious about what’s to come( the future), about my haunting past or is it about my disheveled present?

At first I only disclosed this to my shrink,<yes, I speak to my psychiatrist a lot , I tend to have a lot on my mind and a lot to say>…who gave me a couple of tips like taking a moment to focus on my breathing, being aware of my surrounding( lmfaaao!!!for what!!!) Jk…taking off my earphones for a day made me realise a lot of things that were taking place around me😵not tht I plan on doing it again any time soon because that was one of the toughest tasks ever!!!I mean ever!!!I rather run on the treadmill which I detest for an hour…than walk unoccupied on the street😪 # sad#

So I set aside a day… I’m actually not kidding, switched off my phone and internalised about this whole issue.Tried to put two and two together and tried to figure out why I sometimes barely enjoy people’s company ;my mind and heart were literally all over the place.Thought about all the people who’ve opened up to me about their anxiety who have to literally( I say literally a lot🤔) take meds to compose themselves.Goddamn it I even watched ted talks about anxiety and how to deal with it.

So what has driven our generation to be so anxious?tired?depressed?unmotivated? Is it the immense responsibilities and expectations placed on us? The facade created by social media that makes us feel like we are not enough and we would be so much better If we altered this a bit or looked like “they”?Is it the lack of a compass of where our lives are heading because we are (and I say it again)😂LITERALLY trying to keep up with everyone? One of the reasons why I took a break from social media for a while was because I felt like I was losing myself…I was so engrossed in other people’s lives that I barely saw mine crumbling down.

I think we tend to forget that everyone is fighting their own demons.Lol, omg I say lol a lot too, bear with bear with me, we are going somewhere with this🤔where was I?

Yes…EVERYONE is dealing with something in one way or another.There’s no way I will take a snap of me crying on my pillow at 2 am and show the world what a ” mess” I am. Damn, I think we’ve forgotten that being a mess is not a sin …being vulnerable is not something to be ashamed of…but we live in a world where acts of savagery towards our fellow humans is praised while a display of weakness is deemed embarrassing. A world that is full of social constructs that form a standard of who you should or shouldn’t be.I was literally talking about this with my friends the other day where we were discussing how the world thinks they can now form a standard for what type of pain demands to be felt and which one shouldn’t…WHO THE HELL MEASURES THE EXTENT OF PAIN???!!Oh hell naah!!!We bleed in different ways…( this is a story for another day) but the hell our mental health has really been neglected that we forget mental health is probably more important than our physical because it’s a part of us…how the hell are you going to be lifting weights and crying yourself to sleep at night???😢😢# sigh# we have a lot to talk about honestly….

And people ask why I love the misfits, the rebels, those who are comfortable being uncomfortable … because your authentic self is literally the only way you can beat the odds of caring about what everyone thinks.

I’m working on that …and ooof!!I’m also working on sharing legit struggles and not only what’s expected of me. Maybe that’s why It took two years to come back to my blog post😣Hell even If it took 10 …take your time sweetie!!!It’s a constant battle to try and figure ourselves out but for all it’s worth, I wish you all the luck in the world!!!I really do…

IF NO ONE EVER TOLD YOU THIS…MERELY LIVING EVERY SINGLE MIN IS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT IN ITSELF!

YOU ARE ENOUGH, BEAUTIFUL IN EVERY WAY AND WORTH IT❤️❤️

😉not a bad start huh…Enjoy the rest of your 2019;)

I WOULD FUCK YOU!!!🖤

I’ve been thinking about this post’s title for a while now.We both know that y’all are going to have first impressions🌚 based on what you see.But oh well today I had to disregard that!!Sometimes you need to dig a little deeper and not just judge something by what you see…Just saying🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes I do care about your opinions …I mean I always ask how you think I should improve my posts and all but naaah!!!Today I’ll ignore that because those are the only words in my head right now.So bear with me and try to see where I’m going with this.

First of all hey!!!🤗🤗How are ya!😉(Say it in Peter Griffin’s tone…very few will get this…oh well)😂😂I love this guy!!!

Anyway,I rarely say hey like generally even to my friends or people I’m used to. I’m not mean 🐥okay maybe a little but for the longest time I’ve always assumed stuff.Assumed oh he’s just fine..I mean I just saw him yesterday or oh what need is there to say hey when I can see your breathing just fine.

Yes shame on me!!Shaame!!(lol tbt to Cersei’s walk of shame)😫I miss G.O.T.Oh my God time is flying af!!It’s been what?Five months since I posted?Mehn!!I have no excuse but oh well here I am.Let’s get this show on the road.

Okay so back to my storo😌Those words(my title)were actually said to me by a girl👀 and are probably the only words that stood out to me on that night.😂😂Oh God don’t get this wrong.I’ll tell you why.Here was a group of girls having a good time on a girls night out. First off!!☝🏼We were standing in the cold!!Unajua venye wasichana wanakuanga na mamoods aki.Hata nguvu ya kupeana complements sijui ilitoka wapi.We were supposed to be complaining of how it was taking so damn long to get into the damn club but naah!!!Instead it became an endless session of throwing complements as we acknowledged how we rarely did this.The funny thing was despite how fun the night was and how the events would be blurry the following morning that particular moment was so crystal clear to me.So that’s why I’m writing this at 2.00pm on my bed rather than the usual 2am that I’m always used to.(When I’m really woke!!)

So here I am!!!Finally writing !!!🥂🍾Who knew this would resuscitate me!

Coincidentally, what sermon did I listen to after?It was a sermon called Healing words.How words could have so much meaning in someone’s life but we never realize it.We always ASSUME (lol!!see what I did there)😂how someone is doing okay how they probably know they’re beautiful…how they know that you love them.But then again what do we lose If we constantly tell them🤔🤔Nothing bruh nadda!!💯💯

You see the thing about we humans…is that we are very susceptible to forgetting.Sometimes life takes a ton on us and some things increasingly become insignificant or we probably never have time for them.But then why do we forget that those words oh you smell great this morning or oh you’re so smart have such great meaning to someone else.No no don’t get me wrong.There’s a difference between knowing your worth by not basing it on people’s opinions but there’s also great great power in reminding people of their good.

I feel like our current world has become so heartless(me included😕)that only savage comments are praised!That we would rush our eyes to see nasty comments and bashes on people’s turmoil but when they prosper we do not want to acknowledge it.We don’t want to congratulate them!!!😂I love this song btw…by Post Malone.

That’s just crap mahn that’s just crap!!If you can’t appreciate someone elses success how then will you succeed?Aren’t we meant to build each other!!!😫😫why why did we forget that we all start somewhere and you can’t rise higher without holding each other’s hands.When did we become so absorbed into our egotistic selves that we forgot to be thankful for those we have around us and what we have.

So I decided to say no to assumptions from now henceforth.Lol!!!You should have seen how surprised my boyfriend was when I told him I think he’s hot!!I mean daaa!!I always thought he knew that!He was like you never say that.I just said it.And yes you who is reading this I think you’re beautiful.I probably may not know you but I know you mean a lot to someone even If the person hasn’t said it yet.You define your own beauty.That black spot that developed under your lip!!(lol this is me)Is beautiful!!!It’s what makes you different from Kyra or Anastasia or anyone else.And yes I know you don’t need to be told you’re beautiful for you to know!!!I say fuck it!!!That’s what we try to make ourselves believe!!

YOU NEED TO BE ‘REMINDED‘ you are.You need to be reminded that yes its not fine now but keep pushing it will be okay eventually.You need to be told that you’re smart because you came up with that answer even If its the first time you found an answer.No one else did!!!So you’re smart in that regard.

You need to be reminded that even though you’re not the best dancer…I would sit down to watch you dance because you make my days!!!Even If your voice sucks as hell…the intent and meaning with which you sing the song surpasses all vocal pains my ears would have to bear…😂(Shiiiit😱 I’m becoming deep…😂Lorraine I know you will comment on this)

What better way is there to spend this short life than with the people who make you happy.

I rarely tell my mum I love her!!Honestly I rarely tell anyone what I feel.I guess that has to change.

I LOVE YOU MARY MUTHONI❤️❤️❤️(my mum)Even If I thought you always knew that.

I really hope this made sense to someone just even one person!!And If you’d like to throw a shout out to someone on my comments go ahead!!❤️

🤗and thank you for all those who’ve supported me in my blogging and generally everything.

I gatchu👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻

But most especially

God loves you💕💞

~Melissa~

Chained to the rhythm 🐣

😹Okay here’s the thing I tend to overthink on almost everything so just allow me to.The title of this post has no relation with the literal(notice this) meaning of the lyrics of Katy Perry’s song.😂😂Uhm alright I’ve actually been humming the song for days now…that could be part of the reason…buuuuut in my defense I saw it fit for this post because am actually chained to a particular rhythm hence my inability to enjoy worship songs from anywhere else aside from my former school.Aaargh what the heck just read the damn post and don’t mind me…

Honestly I hope you grasp sth from the post😊😊

STARTIIIING NOW…1,2,3,😂

I was in a middle of this convo that had me  frenzied so hard…😂😂like umewahi chat na mtu hadi unashindwa kukimbia uende loo!!I swear I was at that kaplace…Anyway not that am rarely ever not with my phone at hand laughing at memes or looking for people to disturb…

So…it was actually on a Friday when my phone buzzed.A reminder was what I saw😮.Haiya that we had kesha kwa church yetu on that day.Woaaa…I had totally forgotten about that storo!!😱So the reminder caught me rather offguard.Aaah then it hit me on the Sunday when they had mentioned it would be a night of praise and worship…and damn right that caught my attention.

If there’s one thing I live for…is worship.Very few might understand me…but If you’ve been a Quabberian(Moi Girls Schl Nrb)..”btw ka hujui shule yetu and your Kenyan toka hapa😒”😂😂(geez am just kidding…no need to stop scrolling down through this post)😘😘😘you would comprehend how our Sunday worships were mind blowing,rejuvenating,heart warming…😭😭😭I think I prefer the feeling compared to how it feels when eating really and I mean reeeeaaaally good cake😧🙉

Lemme see how I can break it down to you.. there was this sort of harmony.I still try to figure out how more than 1000 girls would harmonize  their songs and oh have something so beautiful 😍😍come out of it.Honestly…most occasions I’ve been to..its a struggle hata for 5 people kukuwa na harmony. Like kuna ule mwenye ako offtune..😭mwingine hajui lyrics za wimbo…another..aaargh I think you get my point.

😹😹lol I went for the kesha btw.  waah si I have digressed..I apologise…life is full of digressions btw😂😂Aaaaand…😧I ended up sitting during most part of the worship.We could say I got a little disappointed.

😭😭😭why you ask.I felt dry.I felt thirsty for the harmony…for the elevating feeling that makes you have this wonderful spiritual encounter with God but it didn’t come.I almost swear I would go back to high school..just to have a feel of the Moi Girls Sunday service.The dances for each song.The joy in actually singing.The worship songs that were played out for us during prayer!!!😭😭😭😭I don’t know If I will ever experience it again😫but I would give anything to feel it.Have you ever sang a song with someone then they blend in so well😹😹you love the song even more..Christ!!!I donno If you’re feeling me in here!!But that is what I yearned for.

I actually came to the conclusion that harmony is one of the greatest things…not just harmony in song but having some sort of natural understanding with someone yaani you just click!blend might I say…Like you will require very minimal energy to interact with that person.You know those guys you converse with even in silence…I tell ya my peeps..those are keepers.You don’t just come by them everyday.Those guys who your just in sync…Yea big shout out to them!!!

And yes❤❤❤worship has always been a number one for me.😫How else can we even begin to thank God for His greatness,His grace…His love, His mercy,His favour…Yes…wooorship!!!!He deserves all the praise and worship

Ju ya hiyo storo😂😂worship lovers please tell me you’ve listened to “God of Hills and Valleys”by Tauren Wells..Thaaaaaaat soooong😱is in a whole other dimension:)🎼🎼👌👌

😫and I truly hope I will find euphony close to the one I had..I really do😔
Peaceful elections😊😊fellow Kenyans…

Four years of experience😊



So here we were,seated on my bed as she stuttered her way through her conversion.
“Ch…ch..chicha(❤She can’t pronounce Melissa vizuri)😂until recently when her mum took almost a day to teach her how to pronounce it well.Now she calls me Meeeeyyyysa😂,😭I miss Chicha though cause there was a way she said it that made me feel like some sort of ninja or teacher😌.Plus no one has ever gone to that extreme with my name.

😂Hey ma peeps…I apologise for going MIA🚶,I honestly don’t have any valid reason,I just needed a little bit of inspiration to come back.So here I am:-)I’ve missed this:the writing,your views ,your questions…I truly have.😍

So I know your wondering who the subject of this kastory of mine is.Tereeeen tereeen😂It might be you,you ,you…anyway her name is Nelius…we normally call her Nelly.She’s in my inner circle of best friends which FYI is very competitive😂😂so with all my specifications,you can imagine how perfecto she is.Nelly is four years old😌(yes nambari nne)and she happens to be my neighbour’s kid.

😧I can’t narrow down how our story began per se because the last time I checked I wasn’t quite a fan of kids until a new me was born.Now kids just melt me up😭😭Who did this to me?🙉

😂I do recall something though…my mum was her best friend before I snatched her away😼for good..now all my mum does is wonder in amusement how fast I did it(Beware!!!😼😼😂😂snatcher alert)

Anywho,our relationship grew pole pole from watching animations together to going to the shop pamoja to buying each other gifts.You know this trend naaaaao,I don’t think I need to lay it all out.

Thing is😂am not here to tell you about my solid relationship with a four year old😜I am here to tell you WHY.The question which all and sundry has been asking…

  • She is probably the most authentic person I have come across,which is very rare to find.

😂Chillax msicatch!I’m not saying you’re fake!That’s up to you to decide but I’m saying she doesn’t feel accustomed to hide some things and filter out others like how I do(Lemme speak for self).For instance,she was watching me apply lipstick and quickly blurted out😂”na mbona hupaki cutex?!”.Honestly my nail polish had really chipped off but you see no one would dare tell me,”Oh Melissa,you have really neglected your nails!”aside from Nelly.I yearn for that in relationships:authenticity.Tell me as it is…si kunipeleka kwa roundabouts sijui za wapi.Tell me If I pissed you off the other day …🙍don’t just avoid me and hold spite yet the other person is not aware.🙍oh well maybe that’s just me

  • She taught me that we all go through some sort of shit no matter how large or small,regardless of who we are.

😂I am almost certain unashangaa mtoto hupitia shida gani sasa na anafanyiwa kila kitu.Oh trust me they got issues.Nelly recently got a brother😭😭Really cute boy called Damian.😂now now now her facial expression could tell it all.She had a mixture of feelings alright.She was happy that she now had someone to play with aside from me😝but she was also outraged.Outraged by the fact that her mum only paid attention to Damian.So the following morning she was up on our door complaining to me how Damian has just been crying the whole night and how she felt left out.She also complained that her ‘funds’ were now becoming minimal because the budget was a little pricy.😂Lemme expound.Nelly is always given Sh.5 everyday to buy ‘chyuungum’so this sudden change was taking a ton on her.

“Ch…chi..cha…sinaaa…p..p..esa leo…ni weewe unanuuunua”So this issue had been stressing her for a while now.Point is,sometimes we think we are the only ones going through hell or probably our hell is worse than someone elses.However,I should come to terms with the fact that the world doesn’t revolve only around me and oh well😂😂shit does happen.


Oh I forgot to mention..😖Nelly stammers a lot so I purposed to engage her in lots of conversations to help her out.Her resilience is what I admire the most though.Whether her sentence or words will finally come out after five minutes,she never gives up.She always ensures her point is driven home.

Rarely are we like that.Rarely am I like that.Honestly If I try doing something and it backfires for the first time,even with the Thomas Edison or Abraham Lincoln enthusiasm in me..I’m always crying why.😓Nelly makes me realise how sometimes things are never easy but God can’t give you what you can’t handle.Right?

According to her all children are toto😂.I recently asked her to give me names of her classmates at her day care..and they were all referred to as toto.😓Is it possible for me to refer to everyone as toto?😂Okay daaaa!not literally but maybe not segregrate them according to this and that.(judge)I am trying to be a better person you know?

😑What need is there to live the same way for all these years?Like noo!!!Be a dancer tomorrow,a singer the next or even a writer the other.Live life!!!Live it like your last right?

Make mistakes,correct them😂like am doing…become a better you like Joel Osteen put it😘

And so the answer to your question…she inspires me to become a better me.Everytime she throws praises😂about Chicha to her whole clan,I feel a tingle of joy in my heart.That there’s someone out there who actually looks up to me.Every time she asks me why is this that way or when I cook and she’s like😂(unajua kupika niongezee)😜😜😂am an awesome cook btw(wink wink) 

However, point is,I think friends should push you to move out of your comfort zone and guess what …this four year old does just that!!!!

Four years of experience😊




So here we were,seated on my bed as she stuttered her way through her conversion.
“Ch…ch..chicha(❤She can’t pronounce Melissa vizuri)😂until recently when her mum took almost a day to teach her how to pronounce it well.Now she calls me Meeeeyyyysa😂,😭I miss Chicha though cause there was a way she said it that made me feel like some sort of ninja or teacher😌.Plus no one has ever gone to that extreme with my name.

😂Hey ma peeps…I apologise for going MIA🚶,I honestly don’t have any valid reason,I just needed a little bit of inspiration to come back.So here I am:-)I’ve missed this:the writing,your views ,your questions…I truly have.😍

So I know your wondering who the subject of this kastory of mine is.Tereeeen tereeen😂It might be you,you ,you…anyway her name is Nelius…we normally call her Nelly.She’s in my inner circle of best friends which FYI is very competitive😂😂so with all my specifications,you can imagine how perfecto she is.Nelly is four years old😌(yes nambari nne)and she happens to be my neighbour’s kid.

😧I can’t narrow down how our story began per se because the last time I checked I wasn’t quite a fan of kids until a new me was born.Now kids just melt me up😭😭Who did this to me?🙉

😂I do recall something though…my mum was her best friend before I snatched her away😼for good..now all my mum does is wonder in amusement how fast I did it(Beware!!!😼😼😂😂snatcher alert)

Anywho,our relationship grew pole pole from watching animations together to going to the shop pamoja to buying each other gifts.You know this trend naaaaao,I don’t think I need to lay it all out.

Thing is😂am not here to tell you about my solid relationship with a four year old😜I am here to tell you WHY.The question which all and sundry has been asking…

  • She is probably the most authentic person I have come across,which is very rare to find.

😂Chillax msicatch!I’m not saying you’re fake!That’s up to you to decide but I’m saying she doesn’t feel accustomed to hide some things and filter out others like how I do(Lemme speak for self).For instance,she was watching me apply lipstick and quickly blurted out😂”na mbona hupaki cutex?!”.Honestly my nail polish had really chipped off but you see no one would dare tell me,”Oh Melissa,you have really neglected your nails!”aside from Nelly.I yearn for that in relationships:authenticity.Tell me as it is…si kunipeleka kwa roundabouts sijui za wapi.Tell me If I pissed you off the other day …🙍don’t just avoid me and hod spite yet the other person is not aware.🙍oh well maybe that’s just me

  • She taught me that we all go through some sort of shit no matter how large or small,regardless of who we are.

😂I am almost certain unashangaa mtoto hupitia shida gani sasa na anafanyiwa kila kitu.Oh trust me they got issues.Nelly recently got a brother😭😭Really cute boy called Damian.😂now now now her facial expression could tell it all.She had a mixture of feelings alright.She was happy that she now had someone to play with aside from me😝but she was also outraged.Outraged by the fact that her mum only paid attention to Damian.So the following morning she was up on our door complaining to me how Damian has just been crying the whole night and how she felt left out.She also complained that her ‘funds’ were now becoming minimal because the budget was a little pricy.😂Lemme expound.Nelly is always given Sh.5 everyday to buy ‘chyuungum’so this sudden change was taking a ton on her.

“Ch…chi..cha…sinaaa…p..p..esa leo…ni weewe unanuuunua”So this issue had been stressing her for a while now.Point is,sometimes we think we are the only ones going through hell or probably our hell is worse than someone elses.However,I should come to terms with the fact that the world doesn’t revolve only around me and oh well😂😂shit does happen.


Oh I forgot to mention..😖Nelly stammers a lot so I purposed to engage her in lots of conversations to help her out.Her resilience is what I admire the most though.Whether her sentence or words will finally come out after five minutes,she never gives up.She always ensures her point is driven home.

Rarely are we like that.Rarely am I like that.Honestly If I try doing something and it backfires for the first time,even with the Thomas Edison or Abraham Lincoln enthusiasm in me..I’m always crying why.😓Nelly makes me realise how sometimes things are never easy but God can’t give you what you can’t handle.Right?

According to her all children are toto😂.I recently asked her to give me names of her classmates at her day care..and they were all referred to as toto.😓Is it possible for me to refer to everyone as toto?😂Okay daaaa!not literally but maybe not segregrate them according to this and that.(judge)I am trying to be a better person you know?

😑What need is there to live the same way for all these years?Like noo!!!Be a dancer tomorrow,a singer the next or even a writer the other.Live life!!!Live it like your last right?

Make mistakes,correct them😂like am doing…become a better you like Joel Osteen put it😘

And so the answer to your question…she inspires me to become a better me.Everytime she throws praises😂about Chicha to her whole clan,I feel a tingle of joy in my heart.That there’s someone out there who actually looks up to me.Every time she asks me why is this that way or when I cook and she’s like😂(unajua kupika niongezee)😜😜😂am an awesome cook btw(wink wink) 

However point is,I think friends should push you to move out of your comfort zone and guess what …this four year old does just that!!!!

I FINALLY DID!😜

It’s freaking 1.30 am and I have no ounce of sleep.Like fuck🙀!Nowadays I just stare at the ceiling and start thinking of everything and nothing then arrrgh when my sleep comes at around 5 am, my alarm goes off.It’s becoming really annoying so let me do what I do best…vent through my writing.Scream my fears,my hopes,dreams and joys out.
Soooo…after being convinced and made fun of(Mauteri I will definitely mention you😑)(zile memes zote ulitengeneza …😫kuniaibisha)for not watching the so renowned series,”Game of Thrones”,I finally  took the matter into my own hands.

It was actually raining on the day I started the series marathon. I was coiled up in bed with my pair of shorts on,(tihihihi I looove shorts), socks in tow, covered up with a Maasai kikoi accompanied with a cup of coffee (addict)at the side.These are my best moments📺🎬 I swear🙆.The ‘Games’ began alright.With the trend am taking,I think I should be a movie blogger or something but oh what the heck.

Now now now😂am not here to talk about the series per se but am here to tell you a few things I gathered.You must probably realise that am a very observant person👀loool!😂am also very ignorant,let’s just say I like acquiring lessons from whatever experiences.

Mhm, devoting every single day to this particular series and actually not seeing the outside world💪(like for real!) was no joke but it was damn right worth it.I fell in love 👱with Arya Stark ,the moment I saw her with all her bravado.I have a thing for women or girls who fight to be recognised.😉Those who go out of their way to try the unthinkable and when she convinced her dad to let her have ‘sword lessons’I adored her.Oh and when she defended herself from Joffrey…I was smirking like something else😼😼.Like who the hell did he think he was stepping on others like dirt just cause…He totally deserved the hand bite😈🐺

Lesson one:Do not let anyone and I mean ANYONE underestimate you based on your size, background,appearance…blah blah to hell with them.🚮🚮🚮

I say this because am short (😂mfupi)and it took me a while to actually accept it or love myself for it.😂😂Aii mimi nilikuwa nataka kukuwa na long sexy legs…so my bestie(Sheba😘😘😘) and I always complained how we looked like kids…bunch of pricks even mistook us for primary school kids yet we were adults😂😂.We even googled ways of becoming taller.Okay story for another day but you get my point.

If I told you that Tyrion is not my favorite be assured am either extremely high😂 or insane!!!!🐔🐔👈(get it)Fuck I love the character.😂😂I think I need a stronger word than fuck to express myself.Tyrion taught people the importance of knowledge.I used to be a bookworm in high school…haha like exaggeratively so bad that I once tripped in a ditch reading a book😂story of my life.I am not encouraging this,that was utter nonesense😑si eti what I read that day ilikuja exam hata🙅Anyway, knowledge is power that I know.There’s nothing I find intriguing than listening to an intelligent man speak his mind.I am attracted to intelligence…u guys know the word,sapi..😂jimalizieni.It was Tyrion’s intelligence that helped him survive through out when people were dying like a couple of rats.It’s his intelligence that enabled him to sit and walk with the great ey?Nelson Mandela wasn’t wrong after all.Tyrion’s famous quote “I drink and know things’will forever remain in my memory.Plus,he did not let his family name get into his head and make him mistreat people.

Be humble🎧🎼🎵🔥

Lesson 2: Knowledge is POWER!

Cersei Cersei Cersei.I loathed her hapo mwanzo.I judged her.Yes…typically we humans or let me speak for self,I judge people quite fast before I don’t understand the intention of their actions.Okay okay,yes she might be extremely evil but I will overlook that for now because there is actually so much I got from her.One,Daaaam😱that woman loved her kids.Like her love for them was so real.😂lol!am not a parent but am hoping to be one some day.We all know love is a very very very crucial feeling ey?Most people say that hate is a strong word blah blah you should think of the implications when you utter it but I want to disagree.LOVE is way stronger.Like I find it way offensive,you telling me unanipenda yet you do not even understand what the feeling is.😂😂Cersei taught me that we should always get back on those who wrong us.Okay am😂😂not perfect honestly…and revenge is a dish best served when cold.😂On a light note though…what goes round does come around🐒

Lesson 3: When you love you love❤❤

Jon Snow…huyo najua most of you would die for😂I had an argument with my friend Bilha😝telling me how crazy I am thay he’s not my fav.First off, I love his humility.A virtue that I fight so hard to maintain or attain at times.😂😂My mum always tells me…Melissa sijaiona mtu ako na maringo kama wewe😂🙅I am so sure some of you are worse than I am.Why do I say his humble…he accepted to be a steward even though he deserved to be a ranger.Plus have you ever known great people have so many enemies?(this is rhetorical btw cause it’s so obvious😑)Plus he was so good to Samwhen people looked down on him.And he never forgot his vow to the night’s watch even when greater opportunities arose and am not talking about Ingr…..💦😝.Point is maybe If we focussed on what we had purposed on and not get carried away with the temptations that come along ,we would achieve much more.

Lesson 4:Do not let things that can wait or be avoided make you lose your course

There are so many people I would like to write about,Jaime👌(gorgeous🔥)…hated him at first but life taught him (hardships we could say)how to be humble,Little Finger…😱fuck that guy has lots of tricks up his sleeves,Lord Varys…😂him and his whispering birds…it’s good to be informed…😂remember I told you mimi ni mdaku so you understand why I love the guy.I could talk about the whole freaking cast but since I do not want you to get aggravated over the length of this post,allow me to take my final stride with one person…Are you already guessing?😝😝😝

Yaaaaaaaasssss!Theee Mother of Dragons🐲,Khaleesi😂(Imagine once Mauteri called me that cause I had white braids and I had no inkling of what that was,now am soooo informed naskia niko cloud 9☁☁),Breaker of Chains⛓⛓….I adore the chile honestly🙌🙌🙌🙌❤❤❤❤

From her beauty🙆her ability to think critically,her loyalty,her charisma,her love.Goddamit how is one so freaking perfect?She taught me that you do not have to lead with an iron fist to be respected.Lesson 5:Respect is earned not forced. That Lesson 6: If you want something so bad,the world will conspire to give it to you. Lesson 7:Take risks. Wawaawa kwanza when she got into the fire for the first time,I was like is she freaking insane?But she took so many risks.And If not for those risks she would not have gone that far.Of course I fear taking risks at times,Gosh failure  is amongst my worst fears but how else will we know If we don’t try right?She was never afraid to speak her mind.Another thing,her circle was small but way worth it.

Major major major lesson:Know who to trust…know your FRIENDS.

They say that trust gets you killed,love gets you hurt and being real gets you hated.READ IN BETWEEN THE LINES AND PONDER OVER THESE WORDS🌚

Daenerys taught me that we don’t have to do what others do If we know at the back of our minds they are doing the wrong things.Am talking about her dad.She taught me that sometimes we have to let go of some people or things to achieve goals…Dario😭

Ultimately she taught me:There’s no replica of you so do you and do you very well such that even when you die they will always utter your name and remember the legacy you left!!

Phew…😳am done now rest easy no more reading.It’s 2.30…still not sleepy but am glad I wrote this and I hope that even though not all of you got something at least one or two will be impacted in one way or another.

I CAN’T WAIT FOR SEASON 7!!!!

FINAL LESSON:UKISKIA WASEE WENGI WAMEWATCH SERIES…FIND OUT WHY😂😂USIBAKI NYUMA KAMA MIMI

God loves you…❤❤❤I don’t think I can say it any better😘😘😘