My heart is beating so hard I can barely hear my phone ringing.Actually I do not want to imagine it’s ringing at this point in time.
I just want to hear his name.My fingers are crossed and I decide to close my eyes maybe then I will not have to face the brutal reality that there is a chance that it could not be him!Yea that’s what I do best,close my eyes.It never solves anything really.It merely makes me blind to my problems!Lame!!Arrrgh…
But I have watched him from day one,I have mastered each and every improvement he has made and I cannot even have the temerity to envision that it could not be him.
Am talking about Katleho*(Let’s call just call him Kat…as he is usually referred to)Does the name ring a bell?
I am a die hard fan of E entertainment and I would almost rather miss a date and sit down watching people walk on the red carpet.Listen to all their drama.I do not know how to explain the feeling per se…most people say mimi nimdaku,and I would see this as a factor that tarnishes my name then…but now I have accepted the fact quite positively.
Being ‘mdaku’ has made me learn so much that I would never have gathered had I just sat and waited for information to come my way.😂😂😂😂In a nutshell am trying to say I find out info for myself.Patience has never been my bestie…😁but before nifike 40 I will have mastered it I suppose.
So…when Kat and Abigael the final two contestants of the search for E host South Africa were awaiting their decisions..I think I was more nervous than were.I was literally coiled with all my shortness…😂you would have thought I was watching a horror movie.My fingers were crossed so hard,I was expecting a battle afterwards kuzitoanisha.
This will be terribly lengthy but please bare with me.Am a rather wordy person.Kat had no idea whatsoever that he would win.The ambition was there yes,but he thought Abigael was way better.I mean the lady is freakingly gorgeous and she interviewed so many people.
Kat even stopped interviewing for a moment and merely stared at Aby.She was rocking it and Kat was not the only scared one ..I was too.I have a thing with winning.I had so much hope in Kat that I could not stand disappointment.Little did he know that Aby felt the same way..she was just better at not showing it.
Kat won eventually…but this got me thinking.I am exactly like him.When doing something,I will definitely compare myself with someone and lose faith in myself because of this other person’s abilities.Little do I know that we are totally different and it is almost impossible to compare two different things or people.Kat had no idea that Aby also knew he had his share of strengths and that despite the fact that he interviewed fewer people,they were among the happiest on that red carpet.
Comparison!!!has been the greatest enemy..I must say.Biblically speaking hadn’t Lucifer compared himself to God and seen that they could share power…life would not be full of the ton of shit we are experiencing.Would you disagree If I stated that comparison is what yields jelousy most of the time?
Maybe If we stopped comparing ourselves to others,there would be less fakes because nowadays original is quite a forgotten term.Maybe If we stopped,we would have less worries of whether we are prettier or more acceptable.Maybe If we tried to compete with ourselves we would have something different.Maybe If we did not succumb so much into the worldly pressures..we would have real role models.
I don’t know where am heading with this but you notice I have so many maybes.And maybes are not enough.They are never enough.They are a sign of uncertainity and sometimes uncertainity is not what we need.We need assertiveness.
I just realised my greatest competition is Melissa.The Melissa who can achieve so much more If she gets over her fears…which are most of the times…created by she.The Melissa who has a whole life ahead of her and needs to realise she is greater than what people’s opinions could be.
Because you know what…people will always have something to say whether your life is full of success or failure. They might as well fuck off.
Guess it’s time you went head on with your real competition….YOU