My greatest competition has been winning all this while!

My heart is beating so hard I can barely hear my phone ringing.Actually I do not want to imagine it’s ringing at this point in time.
I just want to hear his name.My fingers are crossed and I decide to close my eyes maybe then I will not have to face the brutal reality that there is a chance that it could not be him!Yea that’s what I do best,close my eyes.It never solves anything really.It merely makes me blind to my problems!Lame!!Arrrgh…

But I have watched him from day one,I have mastered each and every improvement he has made and I cannot even have the temerity to envision that it could not be him.

Am talking about Katleho*(Let’s call just call him Kat…as he is usually referred to)Does the name ring a bell?

I am a die hard fan of E entertainment and I would almost rather miss a date and sit down watching people walk on the red carpet.Listen to all their drama.I do not know how to explain the feeling per se…most people say mimi nimdaku,and I would see this as a factor that tarnishes my name then…but now I have accepted the fact quite positively.

Being ‘mdaku’ has made me learn so much that I would never have gathered had I just sat and waited for information to come my way.๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚In a nutshell am trying to say I find out info for myself.Patience has never been my bestie…๐Ÿ˜but before nifike 40 I will have mastered it I suppose.

So…when Kat and Abigael the final two contestants of the search for E host South Africa were awaiting their decisions..I think I was more nervous than were.I was literally coiled with all my shortness…๐Ÿ˜‚you would have thought I was watching a horror movie.My fingers were crossed so hard,I was expecting a battle afterwards kuzitoanisha.

This will be terribly lengthy but please bare with me.Am a rather wordy person.Kat had no idea whatsoever that he would win.The ambition was there yes,but he thought Abigael was way better.I mean the lady is freakingly gorgeous and she interviewed so many people.

Kat even stopped interviewing for a moment and merely stared at Aby.She was rocking it and Kat was not the only scared one ..I was too.I have a thing with winning.I had so much hope in Kat that I could not stand disappointment.Little did he know that Aby felt the same way..she was just better at not showing it.

Kat won eventually…but this got me thinking.I am exactly like him.When doing something,I will definitely compare myself with someone and lose faith in myself because of this other person’s abilities.Little do I know that we are totally different and it is almost impossible to compare two different things or people.Kat had no idea that Aby also knew he had his share of strengths and that despite the fact that he interviewed fewer people,they were among the happiest on that red carpet.

Comparison!!!has been the greatest enemy..I must say.Biblically speaking hadn’t Lucifer compared himself to God and seen that they could share power…life would not be full of the ton of shit we are experiencing.Would you disagree If I stated that comparison is what yields jelousy most of the time?

Maybe If we stopped comparing ourselves to others,there would be less fakes because nowadays original is quite a forgotten term.Maybe If we stopped,we would have less worries of whether we are prettier or more acceptable.Maybe If we tried to compete with ourselves we would have something different.Maybe If we did not succumb so much into the worldly pressures..we would have real role models.

I don’t know where am heading with this but you notice I have so many maybes.And maybes are not enough.They are never enough.They are a sign of uncertainity and sometimes uncertainity is not what we need.We need assertiveness.

I just realised my greatest competition is Melissa.The Melissa who can achieve so much more If she gets over her fears…which are most of the times…created by she.The Melissa who has a whole life ahead of her and needs to realise she is greater than what people’s opinions could be.

Because you know what…people will always have something to say whether your life is full of success or failure. They might as well fuck off.

Guess it’s time you went head on with your real competition….YOU


I knew she was trouble when she walked in…

First of all I highly apologise that I have not written in a while….Got a little too busy but that’s not a valid enough excuse for this….Hence I will bundle you up with links…y’all will get tired of me๐Ÿ˜

Sooo…hope y’all are cool.For those who know me very well and I mean very well,they definitely know that my life is full of so much drama..I should follow the Kardashian’s suit and start my reality show…
Oh happy valentines btw๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜Love like never before!!!I won’t talk much about Valentines,If you want to know why …hit me up

Disclaimer:There’s high use of curse words and you may find some scenes offensive…(lol!!!don’t think too far๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚)Do bare with me but I just have to speak my mind๐Ÿ˜ณ

So…back to my main course..or why I knew she was trouble.We recently got a new househelp.I am quite ignorant hence I rarely pay attention …maybe a simple hello and what are we having for dinner…๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚I just don’t know what to talk about with anyone most of the time because am either busy reading a novel,watching a series or locked in my room in slumber land or just never at home.The latter carries the crown.If we could earn money by the magnitude of our sleep,I would have given Bill a run for his mulla I swear๐Ÿ˜

Eeh so let’s call our househelp Madinna…hata sijui mbona naficha jina…๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚but I like creating kasuspense kidogo..lol!So Madinna is from Ugandan origin..sa am for real.She’s about my age…but looks older.So when my mum letad her, she laid down a few rules.Of course I was just listening amused at the changes this chic was bringing.Ati she didn’t know Swahili so we had to speak English.I rarely speak English unless neccesitated to.Kwa hivo speaking English every single damn day would be a ton of s*** to handle.Two, I had to train her on how mum liked things done.Heeh this was stress aki.Like I just couldn’t enjoy my life undetered like I used to.

Msichana  alituonyesha vituko.Btw no offense If this blog fikias a Ugandan.I feel like am rewriting Aziza…Kai sikumbuki jina ya hiyo story but it was in Damu Nyeusi…๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚oh nimekumbuka Mke Wangu.Set book lovers๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œyepee

So she prefers sleeping on concrete floor.Like literally kwa floor๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑwho effing does that.Btw I rarely speak…I just observe and make my thesis.So I let that slide.Next thing I know she’s crying ati ju nimechelewa kupika lunch.Woa woa I have nothing against people who cry….But I detest people who constantly do it.Like damn it.  Grow some freakn balls.๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎam sorry, for those who do not know I curse a lot!

Am telling you all these…why?๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚Hata sijui I just have to let it all out.My tolerant mother just let’s all these slip but noooooo!!!I lack patience….at the point of breaking.So I just watch her crying.

Arrrrgh!!!So you could imagine the immense joy I felt when mother couldn’t take it any more and finally agreed with me.She was trouble.

Anywho I always derive lessons from my life experiences.In as much as I seem so vexed with all these…I do laugh every once in a while from watching her numerous scenarios. Laughter is something that could not be taken away from me….๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚hiyo watu walizoea.

So lessons,am starting with the positives kwanza๐Ÿ˜‰

1.You can learn a few things from your enemy…she’s not an enemy per se..But heck she taught my sister Njeri a few interesting dance moves.You remember Njeri right?

2.Patience is a virtue that one has to develop…because my mother handled it so well with so much optimism and Madinna turned out to be quite exceptional especially in cleaning

3.And arrrgh!!People are different.Not everyone can hold their tears so you should just avoid them If they get on your nerves.

4.I acquired some Ugandan vocabularay and improved on my English.

5.Communication barrier is a major challenge.

Enjoy your Valentines…will youโœŒ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

And God bless~

THE GIFT๐ŸŒธ

I tried my best to hold back my tears as I watched her every move.She was so happy…not because she had won a lottery… loool! or had met the celebrity of her dreams(this is what would make me happy)or was daaaarn filthy rich going to spas and the likes.No๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญshe was happy because  all the neighbourhood kids had surrounded her as they admired her new dress.Mum had bought her a dress and she couldn’t deny herself the chance to flaunt it off and try out a spin.





๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญI can’t hold my tears…I am talking about someone I have known for 16 years.I have watched her grooow.It almost like having a protegy.I taught her how to feed herself,how to releave herself…I watched her change into a young lady๐Ÿ˜ฒ๐Ÿ˜ฒ๐Ÿ˜ฒI don’t think you woukd comprehend this feeling.The feeling of seeing simething surpassing people’s expectations.That she would never have a normal life.That she would never be able to walk.That she would never be able to feed herself.That not a single sound would come out of her mouth. Yes that same child that screams when I tickle her,the same one that runs after me when I snatch her toy,the same one that can eat two plates of rice and meat without any assistance whatsoever!!!(SHAME ON YOU OH YE PEOPLE OF LITTLE FAITH๐Ÿ˜’)

#Flaaaaaaaaaashback#๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ

From the first time I laid my eyes on her when I was only 2 and was outraged with anger when mother announced she was my little sister.She had taken my place of affection as everyone was always talking about Njeri๐Ÿ˜ซand they had forgotten my existence.

As she grew up though,I noticed she was not like the rest of us.Mother actually never wanted me to carry her,she always said she was too delicate.For instance she did not crawl like we did when we were toddlers neither did she utter her first words like mama or baba.Weird right? It all makes sense now.

As I became wiser,mother told me she had a condition called autism.Of course, back then,I did not bother to know what it was all about.All I knew was that Njeri’s speech was affected and she actually moved on her limbs when she was 7. I recall that on that day I saw dad cry for the first time as he watched in awe.

If there was one thing she loved doing was dancing๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚I have two left feet so I was always left on the sidelines as she competed with my mother as the 360 show was on.I would join them once in a while for the fun of it.But this small things like just joining her in her dancing ventures, joining her in a game of clapping the hands and snapping the fingers are what made her happy.You know that genuine kind of happy that you could actually feel the aura around you change.That kind of happy that is infectious.More like the kind of joy a mother has when she gives birth to her baby.

Now she is a teenager and the joy has never died.She will still follow me around even If I walk from one room to another.๐Ÿ˜‚She will still force herself into my selfies and watch my every move.
Every single day of my life when I look at her , she reminds me that I have the ability to speak my mind. When I look at her and she is fully focused on the telly as I watch my soap operas,I wonder:Is she understanding the synopsis of the story? And when she laughs at something, is her sense of humor like ours?What the heck goes through her mind?

A couple of weeks ago she woke me up with sobs;she was having a nightmare.I did not go back to sleep for a while as I wondered to myself what she could possibly be dreaming of ; ๐Ÿ˜‚or the other day  when I saw her running away from goats like a mad girl…It got me thinking why they terrified her.She’s a mystery thay I try to unravel every single day ,more like watching an Indian movie without subtitles and trying to figure out what’s going on.(This is probably a pathetic example๐Ÿ˜ฒ๐Ÿ˜ฒ๐Ÿ˜ฒbut I can’t think of anything)

I call her a gift because she taught me that happiness can be acquired from the little things in life.From the tv shows we watch together and laugh our hearts out…to the friends who are always there for her.To the different environments we find ourselves in and try to blend in.(She was beyond ecstatic when I first took her to church…she kept clapping even when everyone else was head bent busy in prayer)

But most of all she taught me to embrace my weirdness.She is the one person who I go out with and gives everyone she meets on the road a handshake and a smile. The one person who would not be ashamed to fart in a gathering when she cannot hold it any longer.The one person who would stand in front of the tv to get your attention so that you would give her what she wants.The one person who would start crying whenever my mother and I start arguing.The one person If given a chance would speak her heart out.

The one gift the Lord gave to us to teach us the true meaning of love and happiness at all times!๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜My lovely sister Njeri.

CHARLIE…DON’T LEAVE ME๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

I restarted the series Two and a half men…Yea..I know what your thinking…Mel are you out of series to watch?I haven’t even watched empire…blah blah bummer…
Anywho don’t blame me I loooove comedy  and I love the good oldies…The likes of Hope and Faith ,Still Standing , My name is Earl, Malcom in the middle..Oh the good old days.

Ok so back to what am currently watching…Two and a Half men.Honestly๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™ˆI envy Charlie Harper’s life.I mean he’s a freaking rich guy who has slept with almost a gazallion ladies not to mention hot ones(wait for it!!!don’t judge am heading somewhere with this story), he only has to compose jingles for a living,owns a mercedez ,lives next to the beach and has sessions with a psychiatrist!!!!!!Do you know how much I would want to mumble all my day’s pains and problems to someone without being judged?Hell yea …I want it soooo bad๐Ÿ˜ฅ๐Ÿ˜ฅ๐Ÿ˜ฅ๐Ÿ˜ฅ

Now you might judge me and say oh how would you envy his(Charlie) life yet he is forty and not settled.FYI๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜ He does almost get married to some chic called Chelsea who realises she’s not ready just a few months to their wedding.Alright am not here to narrate what I’ve been watching…though I would be more than glad to do so๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ I am here to say that am now about to start season 8 which is the end of Charlie.

So I’ve been searching for season 8 but damn my movie guy always keeps procastinating…but I do have season 9…bummer!!!where Ashton replaces Charlie.Ok lets say I had a heads up from a friend of mine who told me.Don’t blame me๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚curiosity killed the cat but am not a cat ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ say it…who even says that ..I know that’s what your thinking. Anyway I don’t want to watch season 9 because a part of me just can’t accept Charlie is gone.

I have already formed this mentality that after season 8..it will all be boring and I will not have a chance to be envious anymore.Stupid right…Yes I know its just acting!!Ok I have a weakness of taking movies too seriously.Am still sad that Augustus๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉhad to die in Fault In Our Stars…I think movies and all that stuff is driving me nuts!!!

So this got me thinking…this is just how we are.We totally refuse to let go and let better people , better opportunities come into our lives.We are so engrossed in what we lost that we don’t see what’s ahead of us…a way loving boyfriend, a better paying job or maybe your own business!!! A way sleeker (not sure If sleek is comparative) car.

I won’t deny letting go ain’t easy and it will never will especially for some of us who get too attached(Charlie whhhhhy๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ) nonetheless I do know something…God says His plans are for good not evil…to give us a better future and hope-Jeremiah 29:11

Yes your wondering why am I so ironic telling you all this yet am not willing to let go and watch season 9..its because am trying to gather courage to do so.Nobody and I mean nobody will ever replace Charlie…however am sure Ashton is unique in his own way and will bring something different to the table.I think its about time I allow myself to accept Ashton into my life.

Yes they( could be your lover,your family, your pet or generally something you hold dearly) were a part of your life and formed a great significance…but we all know some people come into our lives to stay, others to teach a couple of lessons.

Am going deeper…so stay with me๐Ÿ™Žwhen I lost my dad, I thought it was the end of life and I wondered how we would survive.But trust me 7 years down the line and losing him was the best thing because I have learnt so much over the years.I wouldn’t be the Melissa I am now had he not passed on.

So…please bear with me as I take this moment of silence to say goodbye to Charlie Harper๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜…he taught me to live life to the fullest๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚and its not what your thinking…(am not talking about the nasty stuff) am talking about living to the full of your potential and doing what you do best!!! Because heck!LIVE LOVE LAUGH …Let someone say they envied your life 

๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ok I feel as If I totally used the wrong example for living your life to the fullest but I think I’ve driven my point home.Let go of your past and always be ready to start a fresh๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ

Am afraid of love๐Ÿ˜ฑ


Hahaha…so mum recently got really loving like that kind of love that you sit down and start wondering ,is she sick? Nooo..don’t get me wrong ,I know my mother loves me like nobody’s business(cliche tings,Moi Girls Nrb shame on you for teaching me this๐Ÿ˜˜)…there are some typa love that you can actually tell its genuine.Like they don’t love you because you’re always paying their bills or because you’re a public figure.Genuine love does exist!๐Ÿ˜ƒ

So back to mother, she requested me to take her shopping and as the obedient daughter I am…๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚#wink#…I was more than excited to do so.So she bought me this really cool dress, then another and another and a purse and I was like wooooaaaโœŒhold up..Is there something your not telling me?She’s  like  can’t I buy my daughter something.That was not what got me all sweaty with suscpision…it was the fact that she did not get herself anything.

Honestly speaking I confess to being selfish.Like who does that? Don’t I know how to love?Or is it that am just afraid of such kinda love?How the heck am I supposed to bend her rules when she acts all this nice with me.

Yaaasss!!!!I would feel guilty as shit.They say love is the greatest driving force and without a doubt, I agree.The force that’s driving me craaazy aiight๐Ÿ˜ฃ

Am afraid …afraid that I am unable to love as much as am loved.Afraid that I will disappoint those who love me.Afraid that If I truly love, I will get hurt and am tired of getting hurt.You know the saying that those who are heartless once had the biggest hearts? I can definitely attest to that.

If am get this way knowing that someone I love would fail me or hurt me …what of God๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

I mean He actually offered His only son to die on the cross for sins that He did not even commit.๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญDo you know I still cry every time the movie plays especially during christmas once I see all the caning He got?Are we humans so “inhumane” when someone shows us love?

Doesn’t God get angry so many times when I lie like every single fucking day?Or when I plan out some sort of revenge when someone hurts me?When I insult people mentally and in person?I mean am such a sinner๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜ซyet He still loves me unconditionally!

Yet ,He still loves us.He says His love is new every morning.Now do you see why am afraid of love?Because we humans are bound to make mistakes and hurt those who love us.My conscious can’t take that.

Am not even close to God’s definition of love…but maybe once am over this fear…I will be๐Ÿ˜ž

Maybe then I will understand what is to love and forgive every single time we are hurt.Maybe I will comprehend why mum would not tire of giving me whatever within her means just to see me happy.Maybe then I will appreciate this driving force called love๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—

HOPE OF ACTUALLY KEEPING THIS ONE!





Sooo….its yet another year.When last year started,I was actually asleep.I was so bored ,I didn’t wait up till 12 to shout happy new year with my family.I was bored.I didn’t know how much the year had in store for me.First,I was really scared; not that I could tell anyone but we had just completed high school and I was afraid I would fail.They all had so much hope for me…what If I failed them?The results were to be out in Feb…so you can imagine I was already thinking about Feb yet Jan had just began his term.Anyway that was last year lets forget the past.Am starting this new chapter.This is my first blog yeeeey!!!

I have so much planned for this year…but am scared.Scared that I will jinx myself with all these resolutions I keep setting then get bored at the middle of it.This year is my year for revenge .Sounds spooky right? But hold up ,its not the kinda of revenge your thinking about.



That probably I’ll strangle my EX to death because he is actually having the time of his life with his gf right now.Naaaah!!! This is my year to claim everything I never really claimed.From the healthy body I always kept whining I wanted to basically achieving my goals.My major goal is to LOVE MYSELF….Yes its finally out in the closet.If I had loved myself enough in 2016 I would be so much ahead.I wouldn’t have to be worried so much about what they want for me or what they expect from me.I wouldn’t say I hope to keep this one resolution but am gonna fight to keep it.2017 am gonna be ruthless …I tell you!!!๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ˜